Happy.

I remember at the Rotary conference I went to a few weeks ago in Madrid, I went for a walk with my friend Alexandra. We had a bit of spare time, and instead of grouping together with some of the other exchange kids, we went for a walk by ourselves and talked. Now, I have to be honest, we were being very pessimistic at first. We complained about the kids who annoyed us, how the food sucked, and how we were mad that we were in Madrid but couldn't actually go into the city. But eventually, the topic changed and we started on life and happiness and all that other good stuff.

I've always been terrified and excited by the future. Everyone wants to be happy in life, but the question is, how do you know what decisions to make to end up happy? What road do you take? Or more simply, what will make you happy?

A lot of people would say more money. Or love. Or a great job. But then, once they have those things, they overlook them and keep putting off happiness, throwing it at a distance, and run towards it, yet never gain it. They say things like, "Once I have a husband, I'll be happy." Then when they have that they say, "Once I have a family, I'll be happy." Then they say, "When my kids grow up and I can travel, I'll be happy." Do you see my point? This leaves me wondering if happiness is more of a goal nowadays than a mindset.

This is the kind of thing Alexandra and I talked about as we were walking around. She made an excellent suggestion, and said that instead of complaining about the terrible food for one weekend, or whatever we were complaining about, we should remember that WE ARE IN SPAIN!

Then she made me list 5 things at that moment that I was happy about.

So I did. I listed the things that made me happy in that moment.I look back on that day now, and I'm so glad she made me do that, because it made me realize that I can choose to be happy when I want. Or at the very least content.

Because I've realized that content and happy are two very different things. You can choose to be content, meaning that you are okay with the things are around you and you are at peace with them. But happy, is a feeling so overwhelming and sudden and you don't know why it's there or when it came, or why it chose to come today rather than yesterday. Happiness is strong and blissful and you can't control it when it comes. But content, is a diminutive version of happiness, one you can control and know when it arrives and when it leaves, but it still leaves you satisfied.

Can you remember the last time you were truly happy? Not just content with life, but so unbelievably happy? That feeling that made you believe that nothing was impossible, the world was beautiful and mysterious, and everything was perfect?

I had one of those moments the other day. It was Saturday and Miguel and Angela took me sightseeing to the Benidorm, a beach town about 30 mins away. We first stopped to see the beaches, and even though it was raining, they were breathtaking just the same. Right on the beach were restaurants, and inside there was dancing in every single one of them, with old married couples, singles, and young people dancing and having a fantastic time.

Then, we went to walk along the promenade which was filled with shops and restaurants and heladerias. It wasn't just the food, clothes, and ice-cream that made me happy, because that did a pretty good job by itself. But it was the people, the vibrancy of the place, the liveliness that I felt there. It was crowded and loud yet peaceful at the same time. You could be in the midst of a crowd on the promenade, take a right, and end up in the old section of Benidorm, with the little cobblestoned streets.

Angela, Miguel, and I walked by a church and heard singing. I'm not even exaggerating when I tell you it was one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. We walked inside and stood in the back, and the congregation were singing a beautiful Spanish song as they took their communion. I couldn't understand the words, but I could understand the meaning. There was no music, only the voices of these faithful people, but the song was strong and soft at the same time.

Then, we walked along this pier where you could see Benidorm lit up at night. It was so breathtakingly beautiful and I felt so unbelievably happy. I could see the beach, sea, buildings, and Benidorm's little island all at once. Then, right by the pier there is a walkway down to one of the beaches where the handrail is absolutely covered in locks that are put on there by couples in love. Everything about this place I loved, and I just felt that there was no place I'd rather be, with any other people than my wonderful host family.

Everything at that moment was perfect. I was so happy. Moments like that don't occur too often, when you're just hit with this wonderful bliss and feel like the world is opening up for you and offering it's most beautiful things. I know I'll remember how I was feeling that day for the rest of my life. And even though sometimes it can be hard here, it's these happiest moments that make it all worth it.

Oktoberfest in Espana?

My weekend was a very successful one if I do say so myself...at the very least, it was interesting.

Friday I went into Benissa to meet up with my friend Thais. Miguel dropped me off at the plaza, so I could walk to meet up with Thais wherever she was. I'm not gonna lie, I felt pretty legit with my Spanish mobile and knowing my way around town enough to walk to where Thais was. I could have sworn on the phone she said she was at my friend Mireia's house, so I made my way over to Mireia's apartment building, buzzed upstairs to her apartment, and found Mireia and her friend on their way to a sleepover with very confused looks as to what the heck I was doing in her building.

When Thais called me and asked where I was, I told her Mireia's house to which she answered bewilderedly, "Porque?!?". Apparently I had mistaken what she said on the phone, and I had intruded on my friend Mireia's sleepover with another girl, and waltzed into her apartment like I knew exactly where I was going. I quickly apologized, but it was actually really funny and not a big deal at all.

Then, I continued to look for Thais, who was now apparently at the stairs by this concrete patio thing by Mireia's house. I walked to the stairs, found no Thais, called Thais who was now in the street, went to the street, still no Thais, so I proceeded to play phone tag and hide and go seek with her around Benissa for 20 mins. Keep in mind, I am alone, 16 years old, American, and not able to speak Spanish. I was a little creeped out, not gonna lie. But eventually, I did find Thais, and we laughed about it, and how much of a silly American that I am.

Saturday was really fun. I went my friend Christian's birthday party which was at the farm that I ride horses at here. I was a bit confused, until I walked in and realized that he was using the bull ring at his farm because his family rented bulls for his birthday. Why, might you ask? Because, the boys were taunting the bulls, then running away from them.

Before anyone (like my mother) gets upset that one of these bulls might have speared and killed one of the boys, they were only "little" bulls. Meaning, they were not full grown and had no horns yet, but to me, they were still big. It was so weird to go to a birthday party and find they rented bulls so people can tease them and run away from them......how very Spanish.

I however, was petrified of the bulls. Every time they chased the guys (and at times they actually did ram into them) my friends would laugh yet I would scream and shout "Oh my god!"....which everyone thought was really funny because of how American that saying is. Also, they were amused by my fear for these "little" bulls, and told me that during my town's festivals in April, they have a running of the bulls through the streets of my town, but with full sized bulls.....great.

After the birthday party, I went home and got ready because I went to Oktoberfest with my friends in Calpe. I know a lot of you are thinking....Oktoberfest? Aren't you in Spain? Trust me, I was thinking the same thing, but there are a surprisingly large number of Germans here so Oktoberfest is a big ordeal.

We left at about 11 at night for Oktoberfest but had to wait in line for about an hour and 20 mins, so we didn't get in until about 12:20ish. It was definitely worth the wait! It was so much fun! There was a huge tent set up with hundreds of tables, a stage in the front with a band, and a dance floor.

I have never seen so many drunken people dancing on tables in my life. My friends and I all linked hands as we shoved our way past the drunken people to get to the stage so we could dance, but as to be expected of sleazy druken men I suppose, we were constantly harassed and hit on, and definitely got our asses squeezed a few times on our way to the dance floor.....ewwww!

Sunday was really nice also. I went to lunch at Angela and Miguel's friends house and they had the most beautiful house I have ever seen. It was in the country, with a gorgeous view of Calpe and the Mediterrenean. The entire outside was a huge tiled patio, dripping with flowers and plants of every variety, resembling a modern Eden. A covered outside patio with a beautiful tiled wood fire grill was where we ate our lunch. The inside of the house was just as beautiful as the outside, styled eclectically and with great taste.

The lunch itself was delicious. We had tapas that consisted of fish, mussels, and various salads. We had lamb and couscous with vegetables that is a specialty food around here that was delicious. For dessert, chocolate cake.

Needless to say, I love the food, I love the houses, I love the nightlife, I love my friends and family, and I love Spain in general. (Can't say I love school, but one thing at a time).

Happy October!

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately... I really have no excuse other than I have been lazy and actually I have been out with friends a lot. So actually I guess its good that I'm not some solemn loser who locks herself in her room all day writing blogs instead of actually participating in life.

Some update about the 2 weeks or so....

I went to Madrid 2 weekends ago for a Rotary conference. Woo-hoo, Madrid! Yeah, that's what I though too...we were both wrong. I took the train from Gandia, a town around Benissa, to Valencia. Then from Valencia, to Madrid. I went with 7 other exchange students from Denia, which is another town next to Benissa. Everyone was really nice.

Then, we met up with a bunch of other exchange students and took a bus to about an hour out of Madrid to a town where we stayed in some type of school. All in all, there were about 150 exchange students and everyone was really cool. For the conference, we pretty much just had rotary meetings and went over rotary stuff, nothing really new.

It's not that the weekend was bad, it wasn't, it's just that since I went to Madrid last spring on vacation, I've absolutely fallen in love with that city (and the shopping!) and it killed me to be so close to the city and not be able to explore. Hopefully, I'll be able to go back soon to the actual city!

The rest of that weekend was pretty good, when I came home I went to a discotecha with my friends and the next day went to the Mediterranean with my family.

This past weekend I hungout with my friends, and we went shopping and then and saw the movie "Friends with Benefits" (in Spanish of course). I'm proud to say I understood, more or less, the synopsis of the story. Go me!

I can't even believe that it's October already...it has flown by. My one month mark in Spain has come and gone.....I remember it being August 25th and saying goodbye to everyone and bawling my eyes out. Then I remember being on the plane, trying to sleep, but I couldn't because I was crying and I was so scared and unsure of the future and what was going to happen.

It's such a great feeling to know that all of that is over...and I can look back and be proud of everything I've accomplished. I've gotten through some of the toughest days of my life. It's still hard sometimes, but it's getting better all the time.

My friends and family have told me that my Spanish is a lot better than a month ago, and I feel like they're right. I can understand more, speak a little better, and am actually starting to pick up words in Valenciano too! Even though I am still completely lost in school, and nowhere near fluent, I'm trying to focus on my small accomplishments and realize how much I've learned already.

This past month has really been a whirlwind...it's weird to think that 10% of my exchange is already done! It has definitely been some of the most challenging times, but also the most rewarding and I wouldn't trade it for anything. The time spent here has made me realize things about myself, and rely on myself more than anyone else, and that's a pretty great feeling. I feel more independent and in charge of my life than ever before.

I am loving Spain, and I am loving my exchange year. I know that as I learn more, it's only going to get better.